i try to wash him out but like she said:the blood is thicker

it might destroy me but i'd sacrifice my body if it meant i'd get the jack part out.


only about a week ago did i realise how close i was to leaving Adelaide, if my calculations are correct it is 16 days now.
i hate to say it
but i am shit scared.
scared of travelling by myself.
scared of not fitting in again in bella.
scared of fucking up my scholarship course.

most of all, i'm scared of seeing him again. and being rejected.
alot happens in a year, and i doubt he could feel the same about me still, considering his 'girlfriend' will be in italy also.
oh well, another fucked up 'relationship'
i use the term lightly, as i don't really consider any of the last few boys i have seen proper relationships
that part of me ran away just under a year ago.

anyway fellow bloggers, a lot has happened since my last post after AMANDA FUCKING PALMER (still getting over the excitement) about two weeks ago.
-i have been doing schoolwork like crazy, and not really achieving anything i think i deserve.
-felt like punching my history teacher. hard.
-ealised i have drifted even further from a few people
-discovered the greatest cafe ever- Das Cafe, $2 coffee before 10 am, orange couches and ultra-modern tables, plus the greatest barista ever who already calls me a 'regular'
- i'm now more pro-euthanasia than ever, after actually using my interests to write a kickass english essay. i have joined various pro-euthanasia facebook groups (lol) and a joining the voluntary euthanasia society of South Australia
- i have a crush, yes. a real one. very rare, and very scary.
- stopped drinking V, almost. limiting for now.
- lost weight (hurray). after gaining lots due to large amounts of food at womad.
- i've also started cooking. and well. tonight i spent two hours making butterchicken from scratch. it was awesome.


i can take a vowel. and i can wear a ring. and i can make you promises, but they won't mean a thing.


started writing lots.
it will be awesome, i need more inspiration though.
from wheere i'm sitting
it will be the same series of events
but through the eyes of five different people
or maybe a biography type thing. whatever i decide, it will be kickarse, darkand depressing, but very addictive.
any thoughts, feel free to give feedback on my ideas. it kind of sucks with all of this just floating around in my head/ my laptop.