losing grip on reality

we all have unhealthy minds. this fact is becoming increasingly obvious to me.

maybe i'm not alone in this sea of backstabbing and stabbing back.
my mind is filled with a juxtapoz of clashing emotions, i'm not even sure where i'm heading anymore. fuck all you kids at school, you can have your 'girls night out' without me, or go to crappy hills parties by yourselves. after this year, i won't even need you to feed my ego anymore.
i'm not very happy being back at school, it's so much harder to control myself.
in the holidays i'd have a routine of waking up at 11, going to work at 12, eating at 3, finishing work at nine then repeating most days.
i felt lighter, probably even happy (or happier..?)
now, restraining myself is so hard, and all this junk is clogging up my headspace at the time i need to focus most.

i have to stop promising myself that i will change and actually fucking do something
so i have started.
no foodsies after 7, ever. is another rule.